i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
