Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize