bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
