I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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