You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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