There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
