who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
