I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
