um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This house was built for laser tag.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
