what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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