There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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