it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
