Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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