quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
