I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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