I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
