Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
