My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
