I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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