Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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