Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
