id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
