yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
