i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
