That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
