the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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