my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
