we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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