Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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