Whod you bang
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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