At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
