At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
