I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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