I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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