Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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