I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Randomize
