Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
