Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
