youre lurking in front of me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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