she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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