Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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