yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
