my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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