And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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