grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
