so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
