Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize