just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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