I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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