This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
