Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
