saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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