do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
