he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
