I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
