All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
