If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
