If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
