so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
