I skipped work to stalk him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
