just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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