I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
