just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
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