Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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