flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
