I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
