I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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