so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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