can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
