I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
