ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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