I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
